No sir, I have never been to rehab.

Waaaayyy back in April (ek, it’s already the end of JUNE!!!) we went to Texas for a whole 10 days. On one end of the week was our nephew’s baptism. It was the first time we met Beckett, and he is such a little goober! Then, on the other end of the week was my cousin’s bridal shower and a friend’s wedding. The best story to come from the entire trip though, is the story of my interaction with the Kerrville police.

Stephen was in the wedding, so he left to head to Kerrville Friday, while I stayed behind at my parent’s for my cousin’s shower Saturday morning. Around noon I loaded up my mom’s Expedition (thanks again for letting us borrow it!) and drove the 2 1/2 hours to Kerrville for the wedding. The drive through the Texas Hill Country was pretty, but uneventful. I made really good time, even going the speed limit most of the way. I made sure to check my speed as I was pulling into Kerrville, because that’s where the police like to lie in wait. I saw the hotel where we would be spending the night, but continued on past it to get a snack at Sonic before checking in and getting ready. So I pull into Sonic, order myself some popcorn chicken, and proceed to have my snack. After a few minutes, a police car comes cruising in and pulls up next to me. The officer gets out and starts walking up and down the row, looking at the people in all the cars. I think, “Huh, I wonder who they are looking for.” Next thing I know, the officer comes to MY passenger window and asks ME to roll it down.

“Can I see some ID?”

I hand him my license, trying not to freak out, going through the list of reasons he could have for questioning me: Was I speeding? I made sure I was going the limit as I pulled into town. Is there something wrong with the car? Is a taillight out? I hope he doesn’t ask to see the insurance, because I’m not on it. This is my mom’s car, does he think it is stolen? How do I convince him my mom said I could use it?

“M’am, how long have you been sitting here?”

“About 10 minutes?…”

“Who did you meet with?”

Is this a trick question? “No one…?” Does the Sonic waitress count? “I just got into town.”

“Well, we got a call informing us that there was a girl in a flowered dress buying narcotics from a known drug dealer. You are the only one here in a flowered dress.”

“Well I can assure you it was not me.” WHAT?! Also sir, this is not a dress, it is a top.

He continues to question me for another 10 minutes. I continue to eat my popcorn chicken, as I am still hungry, and feel I have a right to, as I now know I have not actually done any wrong. I do decide this is probably a good time to take off my sunglasses, so he can look in my eyes and see for himself I was not buying drugs. I mean come on, I am driving a huge soccer mom SUV with an “Aggie mom” decal on the back. You really think I have been buying drugs?

“Have you ever been to Kerrville before?”

“Yes, twice, for camp.”

“Camp…what camp?”

“HEB camp, with my church.

“Mmhm, have you ever been to rehab?”

“No sir, I have never been to rehab.” Really, how long are we going to do this? LOOK AT ME! I clearly have never even thought about buying drugs.

“So you weren’t buying any narcotics?”

“No, you are welcome to search the car if you want.” Didn’t we already go over this?

“Hmm…do you know anyone in town who might want to get you in trouble?”

“No. I just got into town. I drove in from Georgetown, I am here for a wedding.” Once again. Literally, JUST got here. The only person I know here is a youth pastor, and he is busy getting ready for his wedding.

“Where is the wedding?”

“Hosanna Lutheran Church.” Good thing I asked Stephen earlier.

He finally takes a good look at my driver’s license. “North Carolina?”

“Yes, we recently moved there. I grew up in Georgetown.”

“Well, I’m just gonna run this so they know I’ve been talking to someone.”

“That’s fine.” You do that. You ain’t got nuthin’ on me! I’ve never even been pulled over!

Of course all my info comes back correct and my record is clean, so he has to finally let me go. But before he does…

“Have you seen anyone else around here in a flowery dress?”

I look around. “No. But there was a car honking its horn soon after I got here.” Because clearly that is a sign of a drug deal going down, and I am always on the look-out for girls in flowery dresses buying drugs.

I mean, come on.